I worked with Mark McKay Grayell at Bernstein & Bernstein, from sometime in the very early 2000s, until my exit at 2:20pm, Thursday, July 2, 2015 (though who keeps track of such things). Mark continued to work at the firm until his medical retirement in July of 2025. He passed away on August 18, 2025, while awaiting a liver transplant.
Mark had a long career as a personal injury litigator. He was a very good attorney, a great man, and a good friend.
As I went to the defense side after leaving B&B, it so happened that Mark and I were on the opposite sides of a PI case sometime in 2017. Let’s just say that I had a lot more fun on that case than Mark did. I won’t go into detail, except to say that Mark referred to my questioning of his client as “shooting the tethered goat”. I thought that was some sort of proverb, but I haven’t been able to find it in a Google search, so I will give Mark credit for coming up with a phrase I continue to use.
Mark did come up with some great ones during the time we worked together. Once I was sitting next to him at the annual convention of the MAJ (Michigan Association for Justice), at which time the christened Democratic candidate in the upcoming gubernatorial election was the keynote speaker. After the speech, Mark turned to me and said, “We’re dead”. And so, as it turned out, we were.
At Mark’s funeral many of the speakers described his work ethic by relating Mark’s work mantra, “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth overdoing”. That said, Mark also introduced to the firm to his oft repeated phrase “Close enough for government work”. B&B was a high-volume firm during the time we worked together, and we didn’t always have the luxury of overdoing our work.
Mark had to deal with many serious medical problems during his career. There were times when he would be admitted to the hospital for several days at a stretch. Then we’d hear from him, from his hospital room, stating that he’d be covering an SD motion, settlement or conference or whatever, that afternoon. And he’d do it too, no matter how much his officemates would try to persuade him to take it slow.
But to get back to some of Mark’s bon mots. I keep a list of some of the greatest insults that have been aimed at me over my life. There is one requirement-they must be creative. One from Mark does make my current Top 5. Mark did have a refined taste in dining-he knew a local Chinese restaurant (not a chain) that had a wine list. Mark, Tom Calcaterra and I would frequently go out to lunch together. It was not unusual for me to order chicken fingers (aka chicken tenders at your classier establishments) and fries. I think this disappointed Mark. Once, after the waitperson set down my plate, he asked, “Do you get a toy with that?”
At Mark’s funeral, his sister spoke and I learned that he stood alone in his family on political matters. Mark and I saw eye to eye on every political question we ever discussed.
Mark was buried wearing his Karate gi. He was a 5th degree black belt, despite all his health challenges, and I always admired him for his passion, commitment and resilience. The Karate community showed up in force for Mark, all of them wearing their gi tops. Attorney Mike Schaefer spoke very eloquently about his friend and Karate student. I know Mike well, a very good man. Though Mike and Mark held widely divergent political views, they were united through karate,
Mark’s funeral was August 21, 2025. On October 7, I found myself at a SBM Negligence Section seminar in Troy. My route home took me south on Woodward. I turned right on 12 Mile and then turned into the parking lot of Alex’s, one of our favorite lunch spots during the B&B era. I hadn’t been there since leaving the firm in 2015. But as a memorial lunch of sorts, I ordered the chicken tenders and fries. Still no toy, but they were as good as I remember them. Missed Mark and Tom, though
I turned left out of the restaurant, traveling west and passing our old B&B office just west of Southfield. 4 cars in the lot–normal nowadays. I used to tell people (especially juries) that I worked at Bernstein & Bernstein-not Sam. Attorneys didn’t know the firm much in recent years-except for Mark. He continued to handle the firm’s decreasing caseload, largely alone.
The firm is still there, though now I tell people I worked for Bernstein & Bernstein-not gone but forgotten.
With Mark’s passing, my last connection to my old firm is gone. And, for all practical purposes, so is the firm.
Personally, I still haven’t come to terms with Mark being gone. Part of me will continue to think of him as still with us. I prefer it that way.
